Don’t you just love deadline day? Brian Swanson and Dharmesh Seth repeatedly refer to their millions of sources and contacts around the footballing world and attempt to break news every other second. The obsession of the 24 hour media and its constant need for new news and exclusives is hilarious. The number of times Sky Sports News has contradicted itself over the past 72 hours is quite frankly disturbing. This is supposed to be a reliable source of news not a tabloid or the disgusting excuse for a website in tribalfootball.com

Take for instance, the ‘sagas’ of Robbie Keane and Andrei Arshavin. This morning we were told that Arshavin had arrived in London for talks if a fee was to be agreed. Then suddenly, the deal was off, as Arsenal and Zenit couldn’t agree a fee. Arshavin was supposedly off to the airport, despite all flights from Heathrow being cancelled.

Suddenly, Arshavin happened to be in Highbury House and locked in talks. And at 14.50, the two clubs were close to a deal, but the only block is money owed to Zenit by Arshavin. Yet the €2.5m owed to Zenit was reported in the press up to a week ago (as Arshavin is halfway through a 4 year deal with Zenit and set to leave, the club want half of the €5m signing-on fee they gave to the player in 2006).

As for Robbie Keane, SSN have concocted an ingenious three-way puzzle, involving Javier Saviola, Robbie Keane and Tottenham Hotspur. If Tottenham re-sign their former Captain, then Saviola will go to Liverpool. If not, Keane will stay at Anfield and the out-of-favour Argentine will move to Tottenham. Intriguing or typical of journalists so desperate to break a story, that they’ve bought into their own self-importance and list of contacts?

Imaginary Dennis?

Another pressing issue is whether Dennis Lachter is another Masal Bugduv or not? The 16 year old Moldovan prodigy, created by someone on the Internet, fooled national newspapers and several other media workers into his existence. It appears that this Lachter will answer any question about his ‘client’ Andrei Arshavin from anything and anyone, as long as his name remains in media circles (Yet, he refused to answer a call at 16.40 – is he actually working on the transfer or have people realised he’s imaginary).

Does he now deserve ‘super-agent’ status, alongside Pini Zahavi? A member of a prominent Internet forum called his number (available on the FIFA website) and asked the Arshavin representative whether the deal was on earlier today and the reply was a conclusive ‘no’. Yet, Arshavin is still in London in talks.

Lachter only became Arshavin’s agent recently, while Pavel Andreev who was Andrei Arshavin’s agent before the enigma of Lachter came to the fore. He is reported to represent Arshavin’s business interests according to some and not his sports interests. While Zenit also claimed that Lachter is not part of the negotiations, which occurred solely between Zenit and Arsenal. Therefore, how does he know what is happening, when the two clubs have banned him from negotiations? Phil Smith, a leading FA-recognised Agent, was the actual representative on behalf of Arshavin, and Dennis Lachter took no part, and is very likely to be making things up in Tel Aviv. If he exists that is…

The Worst Following Of A Transfer Saga Ever!

Now SSN report a fee has been agreed, as have personal terms, while Arshavin will take the No.13 shirt. But the sticking point is the €2.5m, which actually means a fee isn’t agreed as it is a part of the money Zenit receive…

At 16.19, Arshavin had passed his medical now according to the BBC. Surprisingly there was no ‘BBC Sport understand’ prior to this statement. That must be a relief for Arsenal fans, because on most occasions this phrase means ‘imaginatively created’ or ‘dreamt up’. Examples of this statement making the users look idiotic include The Sun’s Mark Irwin (not sure if he still works there) and his copying an internet prank of Boca Juniors striker Rodrigo Palacio signing for Arsenal. Another involves the same internet forum member, known as ‘Sinbad’, calling Sky Sports News and claiming Arsenal had a bid for Jonathan Woodgate rejected.

But that signing on fee remains the main issue as it has done for the past week or so. How have these media outlets not caught on? In contrast to SSN and their ‘exclusives’, Arsenal Analysis, a reputable website, claim Arshavin failed a first medical due to a heart problem yesterday, but passed a second one today and is already an Arsenal player. Setanta at the same time claim the playmaker is undergoing a medical now. Aren’t transfer windows fun?

Brian Swanson and co claimed the transfer is set to break down due to the same issue being discussed a week ago (which has since been regurgitated repeatedly since). Alexei Petrov, apparently a Zenit Spokesman, claimed the deal was off, before Brian decided he’d made up the previous ‘exclusive’ and claimed the deal was still on. Brilliantly, Setanta use images of Big Ben to show the final seconds of the window. You’d think it was New Years Eve and in a huge anticlimax neither the Keane nor Arshavin deal had been confirmed at 17.00.

If transfer deadline day proves anything, it’s that the Sky Sports Chief Reporter is an imbecile and that Murdoch’s organisation thinks they’re somehow involved in this protracted transfer. He deserves to be mobbed by those hyperactive Arsenal fans at the Emirates. The paperwork went through at 4.30 pm according to the much maligned Brian Swanson and the Premier League is set to make a decision tomorrow.

Only one of the Premier League registration department arrived at the EPL headquarters in London, with the rest working from home. Who’s willing to bet that Arsenal fans would cry if it didn’t go through now?

Wheeler-deal Harry…

As for Tottenham, Harry Redknapp has declared interest in anything that moves, unsettling players in roughly 857 other clubs. He has resigned Chimbonda, Defoe and not Keane according to the authority that is SSN. The transfers have been used as an excuse to the poor results the club has endured. It appears every press conference after a defeat involves a new player being linked and Redknapp bemoaning the lack of quality in his squad, despite claiming this was the best squad he has ever worked with upon arriving at White Hart Lane.

After the media obsession and the fan addiction of being glued to SSN (either one…), managers and players have all come out and voiced their discontent of a transfer window, labelling it as a restriction of trade. Hopefully the relevant footballing bodies take heed and remove these small periods in the year which cause stress-related problems for football fans – oh, and those in the industry too.

They really do FA… 

The FA confirmed that they are a joke of an association, claiming no action will be taken against Jose Bosingwa, whose blatant kick on Liverpool midfielder Yossi Benayoun, was easily worthy of a red card and lengthy ban. Frank Lampard’s ball winning tackle is still deemed worthy of a red, which Gerard’s worse tackle and overreaction to Mike Riley’s whistle is worthy of nothing. The lack of media attention to Gerard being booked for diving is also typical – Don’t you wonder of the outrage that would follow if a foreign player did it?

UPDATE: Both the Arshavin and Keane deals have been confirmed. The latter will play no part in Sunday’s North London derby, as he waits for a working visa. Keane will be free to play.